we're blogging at a bar
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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