Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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