I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
