looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
third nipple confirmed
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