Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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