I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
