You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
