is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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