It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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