hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
