I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize