So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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