he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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