Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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