P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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