WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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