apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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