I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
