After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
