I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
