she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
