i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My ATM looks so different sober.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
