We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
