Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
