You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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