There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will be naked everywhere
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
