Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
