Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
