So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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