I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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