I got chris browned last night
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's not a walk of shame if you run
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
