So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
