no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
