just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
