She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize