So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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