Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
