Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize