Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
