You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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