Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
