Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
