they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
