I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize