Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
