Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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