cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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