i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
