Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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