Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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