Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize