he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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