But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
