i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
