Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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