do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
