I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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