i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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