not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
