Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
