Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
