WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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