I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bring money and cleavage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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