I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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