He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk is not a location!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
