what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I did not marry a roomba.
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