I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
