wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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