dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
