she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I believe in your delicious
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
