It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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