I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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