She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
