i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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