tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
