I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
