Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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