He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
