This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
