addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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