I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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