I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
