I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize