I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
