I skipped work to stalk him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
