U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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