I bet he comes in French.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
