I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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