he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
