Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
