first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
home. puking in laundry basket.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
