he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want her autograph on my taint
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How does one acquire holy water?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
