I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
